quiet times.
Monday, July 31, 2006
i guess i finally decided to update. again.
theres just so much runnin through my mind.
lang arts file + essay due tmr. but i guess no mood to do. rarrh=p
gotta help yaozhong setup blog.
gotta collect class tee.
gotta organize youth camp.
gotta organize dota competition.
gotta bring my dear for sakae.
gotta sell my haven tickets.
gotta do this, do that.
i dont even have time with you. and even when i do, you dont want it. that was last week. i can tell that you are trying to change. but when you do, you dont have time with your friends. i guess i was just too selfish. i shouldnt control your life. i mean. sorry.
i promise i'll let you do whatever you want. yeah even talking about desmond all day, or spend your weekends with your friends. i wont mind, at least i wont show it.
god says to serve others. as i myself read what i gotta do, look: which part of it is for myself? for friends, for class, for school, for my dear. my life is just. so. ordinary. i serve others. i serve god. i know i wont get anything in return other than the satisfaction that i have done something, but its all worth it.
i guess im not a really good boyfriend or stead if you call it that way. i cant treat you to meals everytime.. to movies, to concerts. i cant reply you instantly. but what i can do is that i keep you in my mind every moment, the ring always on my finger. i do things that you want me to. even detention just to meet you every morning. i bet you dont know all these. i dont expect you to thank me or anything; its my responsibility. i go to school everyday with jeremy screaming in my face the word "poseur" when all im doing is putting on my ring after washing my hands. i get booked for wearing the ring during chapel, or during school. but i dont care.
why am i doing all these?
im just really confused right now. my life's in a mess.
i think. if you like him, then go for it. i love you, and i dont want you to regret the decision that you made to spend your life with me. for i know whichever path you take, god will always lead the way. i'll cheer you on. if hes the one you really like, then, go ahead. although i've waiting 2 years for you, i gave up halfway, then decided to continue. that night, when you told me yes, i was so.. elated. hahah i just need good memories to rest upon. desmond's much much better than me, i know. hes the kind that most girls would go after. and he doesnt call you fat. life would improve by tons if u went there.
im sad.
but i aint gonna say that blahblahgirl would be here for me, and would be comforting me right now. well at least not anymore. if you dont have the initiative to do it, i'll accept it. i mean i like you the way you are, not the way you will be when i change you right?
the word sorry, is a word used to show that one possesses regret, or sorrow, or remorse. i think its like the most overrated word in the dictionary. note that when one says sorry, he/she does not really possess repentance. its just a word for the sake of feeling better; oh he said sorry so i'll forget about it, or sorry, i did blahblah.
actions speak louder than words. i think this is one saying that just trumps all other words.
if that little hug you can give can make a world of a difference in someone else' life, why not give it? in singaporean aspects, ITS FREE. GIVE ALSO NO LOSS, WHY DONT GIVE. YOU DONT LOSE OUT ANYWAY MA, EVERYBODY GOT HUGHUG, YOU JEALOUS FOR WHAT, JUST GIVE ONE TO YOURSELF LAH. -.-"
typical singaporeans. bahh.
-inscribed at 8:45 PM